bad mom???
Description
yup, i think im a bad horrid mom! today has been a rough day! ive been awake since 4:30am. Jack wet through his clothes and needed a change. then he had a feed and was very restless. got him to sleep, then Jessie needed a cuddle. and so it went until 8am when they both woke up properly.
normally they both go to sleep at about 11:30-12. so i got them both upstairs and started getting them ready to sleep. i was desperate for a nap, and couldnt wait for them to both sleep, so that i could just conk out! typically this didnt happen. Every time i put Jack down, he woke up and would cry. then jessie would get alarmed and refuse to sleep. id get jessie on the boob, she’d be drowsy and then jack would wake up and demand to feed. so jessiewas forced off the boob and jack put on. jessie would get grumpy and then hit overtired. eventually with B’s help i got jessie down at 13:10!! 5 minutes later Jack woke up and was awake until 14:30, then Jessie woke up at 14:45! so ive spent most of the day tired, grumpy and irritable.
Jack tends to get very windy in the late evening, early night, and he stays like that for about an hour. so he’ll feed, scream, wind, feed, scream, wind and this repeats itself for the hour. its taxing but manageable. (he is only 19days old) but then jessie has pushing her bedtime to 21:30! im trying to wean her and reduce her feeding time. but she screams so much that i land up putting her back on. i dont know what to do! her screaming irritates me and i get so cross with her. i try really hard not to show it, but its hard. by the end of the day, im finished. so having a fight with her just tops it all off!
the thing is, i cant handle the screaming, so its easier to feed her, but i cant handle her feeding for longer 20minutes. its so taxing. im completely lost and dont know what to do. im sitting here, feeling like more of a witch than a mom! im sure im screwing my kids up in some way. i mean, what do i do?!? how on earth do i make this work? i know that i can, i just have to figure it out. i mean really, does getting irritated with my 16month old make me a shocking mom?
im also not getting much qt with jessie at the moment as jack is going through a very “in arms” phase. he is the opposite to those sleeping dolls. when he’s on me, he’ll sleep like an angel, the second i put him down he wakes up. its almost instantaneous. its actually uncanny.
bad mom!!! and lets not even explore in depth, how terrible a wife i am! i take it all out on B, theres hardly any food in the house, i dont do the washing or any cleaning. im just a horrid everything right now!! i know that tomorrow ill feel better, for now i just feel blergh.
B, im sorry, dont give up on me ok!?! ill get better and itll be ok!
i really should be asleep, but am past it!
it will get better, it has to. this is all part of the adjustment phase. i just need to relax and give it time. ill learn to be a super mom!