Time…
Description
in line with “keeping it real”, i have something thats been on my mind for a while… ok a few things, but im only going to put one out at a time. and this one is all about Time.
I struggle with the whole “me-time” thing. Maybe its Mother’s guilt, maybe its the fact that i worry too much about the kids, maybe i cant let go… who knows!? but sometimes id love a little more time to myself… or at least i think i would. But when it comes down to it, the idea starts to bother me. i just dont feel right being out and about alone.
The few times that ive had my hair done, and b has looked after the kids, have been very hard and at times almost agonizing. i sit there and wonder what theyre up to, if theyre ok, if b is handling, and i miss them. i miss them with an ache, and feel completely abnormal and naked without them. Some people think its crazy that I feel that way, but I do. i love my kids and being with them.
Yes, it does mean its hard for B and I to get some alone time. In fact, since having kids, b and i have not been out alone. I know that they would probably be 100% fine with my mom and my brothers, but we are happy to carry on. and in a few years time, theyll be older and will look forward to spending time with granny away from us. but for now, we’ll keep them close. 
I do miss time with B, i miss the simple things like holding hands, or having an uninterrupted hug. and with a new little one on the way, it means that time together will be even less. But its just a season. Holding onto that is hard and i often lose perspective, but hey… im human! 
besides… b and i can make time! it just takes some work. so we just work at it as best as we can.