As some of you know we have had quite a lot of drama, heartache and nastiness with B’s family over the course of the last 6 years. Some days it was consuming and the hurt so deep that I feared I would hurt forever. Most days I was just flabbergasted and shocked at the extent that people, family would go to hurt family members. The lack of remorse and they hatred sent me to places within my emotions that I’ve never been.

I was judged by people who didn’t really know me and who made wild accusations based on their own skewed perceptions. When I didn’t respond, the flames were fueled. My knight (B) did his utmost to protect and fight for me. He took it all on. The more he stood by me, the worse it got. It was turned onto him too.

One day it got too much and we chose to cease communication. We had to protect us, our family. The behaviour pattern was one we could see being inflicted upon our own sprogs one day. And neither of us could stand for that. Why should we put up with it and risk exposing our sprogs to the poison? All in the name of “family”.

Its been around 18months since we chose us. Since we decided that simply sharing blood does not mean that we have to put up with animosity and hatred. After Jaydon was born, there was a big ruckus. We chose not to tell the offenders of his birth. We were over them. The emails that followed were simply disgusting. Our very happy time was *almost* ruined by the onslaught of hate mail. But we banded together and the emails eventually ceased.

Since we lost those “family” members, life has been simpler and happier The only downside is that we have lost the rest of the family too. They have been blinded by untruths. And seeing as they have no reason not to trust their sources, this is understandable. We have felt that loss. None seem very interested in our story, to me that’s telling in itself.

Yes, there are moments when the hurt and anger return. I can’t hear their names without getting a bit twitchy and scared. I know I shouldn’t be scared, but I am. The hatred scares me. The lack of remorse scares me. The falseness scares me. But slowly I’m getting there.

Will I ever let face them? I’m not sure. I used to worry about seeing them in shops and how I’d react. Would I run away? Swear? Scream for security? Or simply walk on? I like to think that these day I’d simply walk on without even acknowledging their presence. They’d be just another face on the crowd. But in reality, I’d probably start shaking a little and would be trying hard to ignore them.
It would take a lot of change and work to make me trust them, even remotely, again.

Yes, some of it is raw and some is healing. I want others to know that blood does not force you to have a relationship with people. Its binds you genetically, but that’s it. There is no rule that says you have to keep your blood family around because they’re “blood”.

You can not share who you share genetics with, but you can choose who you have in your daily life

Now to some, that may sound really strange. But to those who know him, it will make perfect sense.

I am so incredibly blessed to be married to him. He inspires me to be better and do more. He inspires me to live life bigger and not to be boxed by anything or anyone. He lives life to the full and grabs opportunities with both hands. And if they scare him, you’d never know as he always appears cool, calm and collected

He’s also the fittest person I know. He works a full week and trains twice a day, just about everyday and still has time for all of us.
Here’s a few examples. On race days, he gets up early and brings me tea in bed… He’s racing not me. It should probably the other way around.
He can race a 245km mtb on a Saturday then go for a paddle on the Monday morning and a run in the evening. All without being sore.
He can do a full crossfit workout and still paddle/run/cycle/swim on the same day.
He places well in all events he partakes in.
He can be hurt badly and still be graceful and act with integrity.
He does not get petty or go for the “tit-for-tat” approach.

Yup, he’s a keeper

I thank God everyday that He chose me to be B’s wife.

I could never answer that question with a single, definitive response. I planned how would be a doctor, lawyer, professional sportswoman, army woman, pilot, race car driver, vet, chef and world famous person. I figured out which days I’d do a combo of which jobs. My teachers thought was over-reaching.

Fast forward to high school and aptitude tests. Aptitude tests could never pin me down or put me in a box. For some they were remarkably accurate, mine always said that I could do whatever set my mind too. In fact, upon leaving high school those were the exact words written in the closing sentence of my testimonial.

4 sprogs later, I realise that became everything I set out to be. Roll all of those together, throw in a few (maybe more) vocations and you get the best job of all… Mom!

Being a mom is enough. Being a mom is amazing! I get to live my dream each and every day.  And when my girls tell me that they want to be a mommy when they grow up, I will tell them that they have chosen the best job of all.

PS. the same goes for my boys wanting to be a daddy.

We are going to have a whole hand of sprogs come Spring 2013 We are pregnant for the 5th time and are all absolutely over the moon!

Kyla is telling everybody that mommy is having “tins” (twins) I doubt it, but will only be able to confirm after 26 February.

Woohoo!

Rightfully so! The number of drownings each year is scary. And sadly, when it comes to pools, the drowning figures are highest amongst children  . Teaching children to swim and to have a healthy respect for the water is vital.  In my opinion, swimming is a life skill that everybody should have access to (we’ll save that for a later post).

While not everyone is equipped to teach a child to swim, we can all help them to respect and love the water. In fact, you don’t need a pool to nurture their love of water. A bath or big container of water will do just fine.

Let your kids get wet: in the pool, in the bath, in the shower, in the sprinkler, with the hose. Whatever you have access to, use it. Don’t be afraid to wet their hair and faces…. In fact, make sure you wet them all over! Splash them, splash yourself.  Sprinkle them while watering the garden or playing with the hose.

Dont wipe the water away: it’s hard not to wipe the water out of their eyes, especially when they’re complaining/crying. But don’t do it. Encourage them to do it themselves and better yet, to look past it.

Play games: see who can blow the biggest bubbles, make the biggest splashes, do the fastest kicks, slowest kicks.  Ask things like, ” can you put you ear in the water?” ” can you out your chin/elbow/eye/ in the water?”  Use a net to collect toys, drop heavy toys in to make splashes and have your child retrieve them.

Praise them: No matter how small the step seems to you, it’s huge for your child. They might blow bubbles today, and the not again for a few days. Praise their effort every time they try.

Get WET: if you’re not spending time in the water, they won’t. YOU are their example. How you react to the water is what they’ll feed off and learn from. You can’t expect them to swim and enjoy it if they’ve never seen you having fun in the water! And yes, the sprinkler may be cold, you might not like how you look in your costume but your kids will still think you’re the most beautiful lady on the planet. And when you take that little hand in yours and run and jump over the sprinkler, you’ll be the BEST mom ever!

* I have been a Learn-to-Swim teacher, swimming coach, lifeguard and nipper coach for 14 years. I have taught, coached and worked both here in SA and in the States. I’ve taught children from as young as 6months old to a granny of 70 who wanted to surprise her family and show them that she could finally swim *

I’ve been thin, I’ve been not-so-thin. I’ve been fit, I’ve been unfit. I’ve been buff, too buff.  I’ve been healthy, I’ve been not-so-healthy. I’ve been anorexic, I’ve tried to be bulimic. I’ve had piercings (tongue, belly and ears.) I have a tattoo and would love another 1/2/3… I’ve spent hours in the sun. I’ve got scars from falls and burns ( I’ve burnt myself on practically every kitchen appliance we own that gets hot) . I’ve got laugh and smile lines. I have slight frown lines. I have stretch marks and uneven skin tone. I’ve been pregnant.

My body tells the story of who I am. Every scar, every stretch mark is a small clue to my story.  But, by today’s ridiculous pressures and views on appearance, people try to make me believe that I’m not good enough. The messaging is that I shouldn’t want my scars and stretchmarks. I’m supposed to be striving to look as though I haven’t birthed 4 amazing children.  I’m supposed to want look like a shmodel…

Enough!!! I’m proud of me. I’m proud of my body. It’s done amazing things, miraculous things. It’s seen and done some crazy things.  I haven’t always been too kind to my body, in fact at times I’ve been outright silly!  But I’m still here and standing by the grace of God.

And yes, I exercise. I really enjoy training. It helps keep me healthy and strong. No, I don’t have a model figure. I have my figure. I’m able to pick up 2, even 3 sprogs at a time and play with them. I can swing them around, throw them up and catch them.

They tell me every day that I’m beautiful/pretty. For the first time in my whole life, I actually feel happy with the way I look. I’m perfect just the way I am. My body tell my story and I wouldn’t change it for anything!

Jack is now riding his bicycle without training wheels!  We’ve been watching him (obviously) and for a while now, he has been balancing himself for the most part, and only really using his trainers to turn. We decided to just take them off and see how he went. B held him for the first minute and after that, Jack was pretty much off and away. He even made his first turn without falling!  He did take a few tumbles, mostly when he wasn’t watching where he was going ( read: looking everywhere but in front of him) . He was cycling an absolute champ! What gets me is that he’s only 3. He will be 4 at the end of next month. We are so very very proud of him

He got on his bicycle again this morning and he rode like he’s been doing it forever.

And…. 2 weeks into toilet training, Kyla is out of nappies at night as well! Last night at bed time! She threw a huge hissy about me putting a nappy on her. There was lots of, “me big dirl” and “me wee toilet” and “me no wear nappy!”. So I took the path of least resistance and left her in her panties. She has been waking up with dry nappies hence I wasn’t to worried, but she doesn’t have a mattress protector on her bed yet, so we simply lined it with towels and hoped for the best.

And the best we got She stayed dry and we were all so proud of her. Shes thrilled too. Declaring all over the show just how big she is.

They really do grow up ridiculously quickly and overnight. This has once again reminded me of how we need to treasure and savour every age and stage. Before long, they’ll (God willing)  be out of the nest and all grown up.

We DON’T use a potty. I really don’t like them. The cleaning, the sterilizing…. I cant help but be overwhelmed by the thought of “eeeeuwww”. We use a kiddy seat that fits under our toilet seat. I’ve found them to be great and they’re easy to take on and off. The sprogs are able to put the seat on the toilet themselves, and it means that they get to flush the toilet after they’re done. Thats a HUGE highlight for most kids

I believe that as a mom, for the most part, you’ll know when they’re ready to start using the toilet. If you get it wrong, dont stress. Theres no harm in trying for a day or 2 and then putting the nappy back on. You dont want to place any unnecessary stress on it. Stress will just cause more problems down the line.  Jessie was 100% toilet trained, and then got the Rotavirus. It was nasty and she landed up back in a nappy. It took her about 2 weeks after coming out hospital before she was nappy-free again.

Take their lead, they also know when they’re ready. With Jack I tried twice. He was not all that interested or committed to going to the toilet. It was far too stressful on all of us, so I left it and put the nappy back on. Then last year ON the plane home from Mauritius Jack declared that he needed to wee. We said, its ok… you have a nappy on. He insisted on going to the toilet. and that was that. He came out of day and night nappies that same week and has had maybe 4 accidents in all that time. He knew he was ready, it didnt matter that we didn’t know it.

Once they hit 14/15 months and are walking and running comfortably, we encourage them to try and sit on the toilet before climbing in the bath. If they dont want to, we leave it and carry on. But if they do try, we clap and give lots of praise. Then as they get older and start trying to take their own nappy off, I leave them with their nappy off and use the wait-and-see approach. I remind them that they dont have  nappy on and tell tem that they must wee/poo on the toilet. I leave them to run around barebum otherwise they forget that theres no nappy. I tell them how “big” they are (works better on subsequent sprogs) for having their nappy off. We go to the toilet every 20minutes or so. if they have an accident, I take them to the toilet and they try to wee again. I clean up the mess and we carry on. Making a big fuss of an accident can make them feel humiliated and just cause setbacks.

If they do successfully wee on the toilet they get 2 smarties (yes, bribery and incentive) for a poo they get 4 smarties. Ive always found this to be helpful. (Jack never needed it once he decided he was ready, Jessie and Kyla have both done great with this method) Once they are weeing only on the toilet and are good at telling me that they need to go, I stop smarties for wee. They will then get smarties for staying dry while out (weeing while out) and for poos. Poos are a bit more frightening for them.

Kyla started last week Monday. She has had 3 accidents 1 of which was my fault and now happily takes herself off to the toilet and hollers when she needs me to come and wipe  She has even woken up with a dry nappy 2/3 times.  we have been out, we’ve driven for 90minutes and she has been perfectly fine.

Basically: follow your gut, no 2 sprogs are the same; remain positive and calm; use charts, incentives, whatever works best for you child; be patient, you will sometimes have to take them to the toilet every 2 minutes; be prepared for many funny stories and observations while they go about their business oh and they will describe their bowel movements and wees to the rest of the family, try not giggle too hard while watching your family’s reactions.

Or am I? I’m a mom who blogs about my sprogs and our lives (when I blog ). These days being a “mommy blogger” seems to imply that 1 has to be endorsed, sponsored or paid to write I am none of those things! I’m really not sure if I could handle the pressure of a monetized blog. I like the K.I.S.S approach to most things (Keep It Simple, Stupid).

As if being a mom isn’t surrounded by enough competitiveness, we fuel it online. It becomes about advertising rates, popularity stats, ” in-crowds”, and competitions! I mean really? What is the best mom blog even based on? Content? Humour? Stats? Touching others lives? Popularity? Layout? I really don’t get it. Many moms spend lots of time complaining about the mommy wars and competitiveness, but online this irony seems somehow lost…. Or maybe I’m missing something.

A pat on the back is always nice. But is competition necessary to get it? I don’t think so.

What does being the best mean? And at what cost is it achieved? I for 1, wish we could do away with all the competition and just be a community of moms sharing ideas, thoughts and stories of our lives. Idealistic? Maybe… But you just never know where a thought where will go

*** I’m thrilled for those moms who can handle the writing pressure and are able to earn an income off of their blogs. It hopefully means that they can spend less time working long hours and more time at home with their sprogs. That’s a huge win! ***

We were in Pringle Bay and were on a walk. Being the hippies that we are, most of us were barefoot, Jack included. He was a little way ahead of us and was looking for tadpoles in the stream alongside the road. B and I were chatting to each and all the sprogs. We were watching where Jack was and suddenly B yells “snake”. Not 2 steps from where jack had just walked was this guy

The only reason we saw it, was because it had lifted its head and stuck out its hood! A Cape Cobra http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cape_cobra We all froze! I grabbed Jack and the girls and we went to a safer “viewing” distance. My heart was in my throat. Jack had stepped right over it. Somehow he had managed not to stand on it and he had not disturbed it enough to be bitten. This is nothing shy of miraculous!! We experienced a miracle. B was able to take pics with my phone. I just laid hands on jack and praised the Lord and thanked him for His protection.

The whole thing still feels like a dream. Jack stepped over a cobra, barefoot! It boggles my mind! I’m just so grateful that Jack has an Abba in even who loves and protects him far more than I ever could.